Thursday, October 7, 2010
working an honest program..
I sit here at a kiosk in a public library right down the street from my apartment I share with a beautiful, and pregnant girlfriend. For some reason I am having a difficult time trying to figure out what to write to you about. Do I want to talk about how I stuck my neck out for a young girl I saw get punched in the face by her abusive boyfriend, two weeks ago? Do I talk about what living with a pregnant woman is like? Should I talk about how I feel about sponsoring alcoholics in a program of recovery? All those things would be wonderful things to talk about. But I thought of something much better to talk about... MY PROGRAM.
The program that I try to work has been gaining steam for the past few months. Ever since I decided that I didn't want to live like a mushroom, growing in the dark on a big pile of shit. That is no fun. If you know what I am talking about you will quite possibly agree with me.
I was sitting in a meeting in a neighboring town and just gave up trying to run the show. I was tired.. My girlfriend was probably tired, but she is tired anyways because she is pregnant. I made the decision to turn my will and my life over to the care of my higher power as I understand him/her/it. Some days I forget that I gave my program up to a creative intelligence that is much greater than me, and try to take the reins back.. but days like today I take great satisfaction in the fact that I can flow with the current of life instead of struggling against its endless and powerful flowing energy.
I am glad I am not the all knowing, all seeing creative energy driving all living and non-living beings in this realm. Can you imagine how tired I would be then? I don't even want to think about it.